My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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