This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
