Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize