If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
