When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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