That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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