I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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