I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
