I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
