Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
