hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
