That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
