she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want nice things and good sex
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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