Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
