Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
