as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
