I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
