So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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