Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
