Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
