Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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