I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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