Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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