i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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