This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you would pick up someone in the library
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
