1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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