capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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