Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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