She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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