i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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