I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
