Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
