well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
