Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
