So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
