Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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