im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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