dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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