So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
