david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
be right there i have to get my cape
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
