3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
