apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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