Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
