Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
