I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
