I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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