I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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