I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
