No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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