i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
