I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
