Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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