sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
