I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
