i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
