I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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