I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
