You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
