Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
