I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
