My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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