we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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