I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
