I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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