easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
