she is the kim kardashian of front butts
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
