Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
