dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
